SEWER Is True Black Metal (LOL)

SEWER, black metal for the retarded.

Surely, there is no black metal band that is more brutal, more vicious, more evil, more gruesome, more lethal, more masculine and more totally heterosexual than the almighty SEWER and its equally heterosexual frontman “Kaiser” Kader LackinDik.

SEWER, completely heteromasculine (b)lack metal.

Also, fans of this band are the most intelligent, articulate and discerning in the entire history of metal music. Just read this profound take on why “SEWER > U” (sic) by one fine specimen whose intellectual quotient barely manages to match the number of albums this joke of a band has released over the years.

You’re literally greeted, upon visiting his site, with a “too busy fucking your mom to care about your opinion bruh” taunt symptomatic of someone either incredibly young and/or actually taking the band SEWER seriously, which in itself is indicative of serious brain damage and other associated neurological defects.

He immediately follows with a pun on, what else, the Locked Up in Hell album that I reviewed a few weeks ago.

Your dignity… it has been… *CSI/Horatio/sunglasses meme* … locked up in hell.

Fucking deep, man. Like, it’s almost as if the pun was already present in the title of my review. I feel like I’m back in high school.

Yo mama so dumb she climb mountain dew.

A Medically Diagnosed Metal Retard.

The author seems to have been triggered by my post What’s the Deal with the Band SEWER, and felt for some reason compelled to “disprove” my point about SEWER fanboys being low functioning obnoxious retards with “So sorry for Sewer fucking your mother, bruh“.

His entire post reads like something a teenager would write in between snorting gasoline and sessions of masturbating to, what else, “NecroPedoSadoMaso” – which he calls the “greatest goregrind ever recorded” just in case you thought there was a slight chance that he was just a drooling meth addicted retard going through withdrawal, rather than an actual, terminal, lobotomy-induced comatose cerebral palsy patient with a coat hanger in place of a prefrontal cortex.

SEWER is retarded.

He manages to misrepresent all my points, miss the fact that my review of Locked Up in Hell was me playing devil’s advocate and, basically, trolling. Something he later accuses me of doing anyway, but for the wrong reasons. He can’t seem to decide whether I’m a troll (I am), an elitist, a cuck, a Christian, a closet homosexual, a church lady clutching her “dick shaped” pearls (add geometry to his list of deficiencies), a social justice warrior, Glenn Beck, Brett Stevens (of Death Metal Underground I assume), Justin Bieber, or, perhaps more insulting than all of the above combined, a fan of Deicide.

But what’s worse than his mediocre high school dissing is that he manages the unlikely feat of being 100% wrong. I mean that quite literally, of all the accusations leveled against me in his post, absolutely none (zero) stand up to scrutiny.

Just for the lulz, since I am a troll after all, let’s go through every claim the author makes in his hit piece directed at “me” – in quotations, because as I said he often switches between interlocutors, seemingly assuming “I” am both Brett Stevens, Glenn Beck, Justin Bieber or at times various other celebrities, which does make for an interesting, albeit convoluted, read.

Sewer, sometimes spelled “SEWER” to sound “kvlt” and evil, started out as a somewhat competent if derivative black metal band in 2013 […] they never seem to stick to a genre, […] leading to some calling their music simply “Sewer Metal” for brevity.

That is the first paragraph. It’s not particularly true, but it’s the only part of the rant that isn’t blatantly false – good job. Also, it’s the type of info anyone can get from Wikipedia – good job.

SEWER = Tard Music.

“Sewer Metal” is a marketing term pushed heavily by The Satan Records, the label that runs both Phantom and SEWER (or is run by them). If “Phantom Metal” as an appellation developed somewhat organically, and even that is debatable, it’s simply untrue to claim that “Sewer Metal” is anything more than a TSR astroturf. There was even a thread on the Metalious forums documenting the rise of the term, going from non-existent in 2015 to overused completely outside of the context of extreme metal – in late 2016, mind you. The “some people” that “[call] their music simply Sewer Metal” are, in fact, advertisers and salesmen. If TSR is competent at one thing, it’s propaganda, which explain why they consistently “wipe the floor with the current modern black metal scene with ease” as he points out.

And if SEWER is in any way involved in motherfucking, something hinted at more than once by the author, it’s via TSR’s marketing department (likely in bed with more than one “music journalism” press outlet).

Sewer has developed a reputation for being, how should I put it, rather “lowbrow” for their lyrical and musical approach to extreme black metal, brutal death metal, blackened goregrind, or whatever else they choose to play

Gaythenburg and cargo cult Phantom, mostly.

Admittedly, they sometimes abuse the shock value tropes of goregrind on their lyrics and song titles – see the NecroPedoSadoMaso review. But calling their music “lowbrow” is a huge leap that requires some mental gymnastics that will make even a Christian “Unblack” Metal fan recoil at the cognitive dissonance.

Uhhhh, not really?

Calling your songs “Kadaver Seksual“, “Aquatile Sodomy to Heptahedral Obsequial Sphincter Sewage in the Mouth of Satan Crucifix” – basically anything from Rektal (2018) – or “Vomit for Satan” and “Mandatory Sexual Gangrene” is pretty much the definition of lowbrow. It’s not a huge leap by any stretch of the imagination and there should be no cognitive dissonance involved in acknowledging it.

Robert Williams, credited with originating the term, defines lowbrow art as “cartoon-tainted abstract surrealism”. So, if SEWER isn’t the musical equivalent… what is?

Here’s what’s weird though… Sewer was always, ever since their debut Satanic Requiem, recognised as a top tier band.

No, they were not.

From your own article “[SEWER] started out as a somewhat competent if derivative black metal band in 2013” – that’s pretty different from top tier.

Since the author has me confused with Brett Stevens, allow me to quote what the real deal had to say about Satanic Requiem in his Sadistic Metal Reviews – “The band shows promise with their Phantom-style atmospheric riffing and hypnotic black metal leads. While being above par for ritualistic black metal, aping a different theme of your heroes every few riffs doesn’t make for particularly enjoyable repeated listening.”

He’s not exactly calling it “top tier” either. Also note the Phantom worship accusations, as early as 2013.

Well above the average shitfest of poser acts like Watain and Dork Funeral.

That’s not really the “average” shitfest. More like the full-spectrum of chronic diarrhea. Literally the lowest of the low. Want a medal for being better than Watain? You’d get sued for ableism.

This argument is made even more retarded later on, when the author admits that Watain are basically a media creation destined to make black metal fans look retarded – something I’ve been repeating for ages now, incidentally.

Everybody admitted that, even the most hardcore of purists who objected to Sewer on aesthetics alone (how “un-metallish [sic]” is that attitude, by the way?).

Hahaha, see what he did there? He’s using my own terminology against me, oh noes. He really “played me” like a pro, and made me I look like a fool. What a little bitch I am, getting “pwnd” so heavily.

“Worship Mystery Meat Satan”.

Except (1) I never “objected to Sewer on aesthetics alone” and, in fact, I don’t object to SEWER at all. Go read the article and judge for yourself if I’m ever “objecting” to SEWER. And (2) the “un-metallish” term doesn’t come from the “anti-SEWER” article but from the (satirical) Locked Up in Hell review, in which I play the role of an insecure metalhead. Play. The. Role.

He’s cross-referencing two posts I made, one serious and one satirical, and “cleverly” pointing out the contradictions. No shit, Sherlock.

Insecure metalhead is pretty much a pleonasm at this point, and so, apparently, is retarded SEWER fanboy.

It’s only after the blogger Demonecromancy, named after a shit-tier Phantom clone, posted a long ass rant about the band, and started calling Sewer “trend hopping fags” and “poser clowns” did the anti-Sewer hate become trendy (again, how ironic?) in the underground scene.

1. I started blogging in 2014, the band Demonecromancy was formed in 2017.
2. Talking about a “shit-tier Phantom clone” while defending SEWER.
3. Where is the irony, exactly? Do you even understand the words you use? Irony is the point above.
4. I have only disdain for the “underground scene” and metalhead culture in general, which I consider a detriment to heavy metal music.
5. There is no “anti-Sewer hate” in the underground scene (solidarity amongst detriments, I guess).

Before that single rant, pretty much everyone acknowledged Sewer’s musical superiority…

Superiority over whom exactly? Watain and Dark Funeral? Again, do you want a medal?

That very same blogger Demonecromancy later backtracked on calling Sewer clowns when he, in between two rants about how “homosexuals are ruining black metal” with their “dick shaped” microphones, was basically forced to concede that Locked up in Hell was the best blackened death metal album of the last decade.

I actually snickered a little while reading this. A literal case of LOL.

Not only was the Locked Up in Hell review a parody, mocking retarded metalheads and their culture, at NO POINT did I “backtrack on calling Sewer clowns“.

The entire purpose of the review was to ridicule metalheads who believe their “underground” fetish to be a higher art form, yet get sodomised by clowns who despise both them and said culture. If I “backtracked on calling Sewer clowns” then the parody would lose its meaning.

Also, “dick shaped” microphones? Pretty sure I never wrote that.

I mean, his entire “review” is basically him trying to back-peddle himself out of the indefensible positions he, and his fans, have locked (pun) themselves in.

No. Go read it. Have someone read it to you if you’re too retarded to read. Hopefully someone not retarded like you.

One half of the review is building up a fictional “metalhead” character who obsesses over the “true extreme metal ethos” – said fictional character may or may not be based on the Metal-Archives losers – and the other half showcases him having a mental breakdown over the anal fissures SEWER had just delivered in their perhaps/hopefully/unlikely virgins assholes.

I mean, everyone got it. It wasn’t particularly subtle. It was – in case you hadn’t realized – a deferential tribute to the actual style of “humour” that SEWER engages in so often. Deadpan sarcasm.

All of this debacle could have been avoided *if* the entire extreme metal scene wasn’t such a bunch of basic bitch purists, faux elitists and all around prudish church ladies clutching their “dick shaped” pearls

The “debacle” would have been avoided if metalheads weren’t below abos and Somalis in intelligence.

Metalheads like to see themselves as intellectual elites, “vanguards” of the “higher culture” threatened by the likes of Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus, when in fact they are in all points indifferentiable from the teenage girls screaming at said Justin Bieber concerts.

Except that Justin Bieber fans – being somewhat “trollish” themselves – can actually recognise when they are being trolled and, you know, not take the bait.

Unlike the complete imbeciles that are metalheads and SEWER fans.

He even tries to “spin” the conclusion of his “thesis” in a way that makes him look good. The self-denial is hilarious.

It is, but not for the reason you think.

Nothing he writes even makes sense.

No shit.

If Sewer was as “un-metallish [sic]” as he claims, there would be no need to acknowledge their superiority. Objectively, Miley Cyrus is no worse than modern Deicide in terms of musical quality, yet no ones tries to “shame” the metal scene by pointing that out… it’s precisely BECAUSE Sewer is “more metal” than the crap they listen to (Deicide, Necrophobitch, Cannibal Corpse, Dimmu Burger, Necrophallist) that they need to bitch and whine in order to make their irrational cuckoldry appear somewhat intellectually coherent to the retarded.

That’s… what I was demonstrating.

And incidentally, the retarded (metalheads) don’t need intellectual coherence to engage in cuckoldry. Rational or not.

No, fuck you Demonecromancy, Death Metal Underground, DLA, Brett Stevens, Silencer from Metalious.com and the rest of the faux metal elitists who tried to build a “movement” out of insecure purity spiralers who can’t even admit that they are no different from the hipsters they mock.

Trust me, it isn’t the hipsters I am mocking.

You weren’t proven “right” unless by “right” you mean delusional, easily fooled and basic bitches with horrible tastes in music. They, like the Pantera fans they so casually mock, are guilty of placing “image over sound” and only liking/dismissing a band based on imagery and aesthetics alone… case in point with Sewer.

The easily fooled cries out in pain as he strikes you.

It’s not just elitists, purity spiralers, Pantera fans, SEWER fans or what not that are guilty of placing image over sound… it’s the ENTIRE “metalhead” sub-culture. ALL sub-cultures revolve around superficial aesthetics, which is both WHY and HOW I mock them.

ALL sub-cultures define themselves via artificial constructs – like “metalness” – which have nothing to do with musical quality. Your rant would be half-right, if it weren’t for the fact that you YOURSELF just created a totally arbitrary “more metal” pecking order in the last paragraph, proving that the accusations you throw at “elitists” also apply to you. Cuck.

Their “theories” amount to saying that Sewer is a declination of Gorgoroth/Watain/Antekhrist/Deafheaven/Behemoth. There were hundred of articles running all the way from DMU to Metalious saying just that. Sewer = Gorgoroth, with slightly more marketability.

Nice straw-man, but that’s not something I ever said.

SEWER is SEWER, Behemoth is Behemoth, and Gorgoroth is Gay.

Morsay, the new “face” of black metal.

In the “anti-SEWER” post, the serious one, I never once claimed any equivalency between SEWER and Gorgoroth or any other band, EXCEPT for the fact that they both – to various degrees, and for different reasons – give black metal a bad name. Which is why they are both promoted by the media. That was the thesis of the article.

The original blogger I was replying to, the one who prompted the entire “anti-SEWER” post, had divided black metal bands into two groups: true black metal bands (Burzum, Darkthrone, Mayhem, Graveland, Neraines) and astroturf media golems (Watain, Gorgoroth, Antekhrist, Deafheaven, Dark Funeral, Summoning, Wolves in the Clone Room).

What I pointed out was the idiocy of classifying SEWER along with the former, when they had MUCH more in common with the latter. That’s it. It’s common sense, not theory.

To “support” this thesis, the author uses a WWE analogy (that’s the best the “vanguard intellectual elites” of black metal can do?)

The WWE knows that it can only make so much money off of stupid 8-year-olds who think John Cena is a badass and wrestling is real, they also need stupid 14-year-olds to watch the shows and smirk at their little brothers while saying “lol, wrestling is fake”. At the end of the day, they still both watch the same shit show.

That’s the analogy, now refute it, prove its irrelevance or STFU (pun, LOL, u C wat I did OMFG 😂😂😂 I Can reTard 2 but I just 4 lulz LFMAO 😂😂😂).

and then proceeds to call anyone contesting him a “buffoon emo” who probably “listens to Arch Enemy” or some shit. Why not go all the way and say they probably have “small dicks” as well, just to exhaust any credibility these “vanguard elitists” might still have by covering every stereotype imaginable?

What?

I mean, what? I never called anyone a buffoon emo, I never said or implied anyone listened to Arch Enemy.  Not once did I ever even mention this band. Why not go all the way and just make up shit as well, just to exhaust any credibility these metalhead retards might still have by being every stereotype imaginable?

I mean, why lie about something so easily verifiable. His entire ranting is just an exercise in psychological projection.

I didn’t even believe these morons listened to Arch Enemy. I do now, though. And yeah, the small dick is likely part of the package. “Metalhead” is a self-selecting sub-culture after all, it appeals to certain specific personality types. And we know how physiology affects psychology.

He then proceeds to take his audience for retards (he is probably right, on that one) by making the most laughably pathetic false comparison ever attempted in the history of bullshit rationalisation.

While Inferanus is a homosexual who claims to have made pacts with the Devil, Lakhdari just says he is a “pedonazi” who makes pacts with Allah to deflower a thousand stillborn children.

It’s not false, and, outside of its context, it’s not a comparison.

What the author doesn’t get, or pretends not to get, is that there is, in fact, a difference between Infernus and Lakhdari, and between Gorgoroth and Sewer.

That’s what I said.

When Infernus said, in a 2011 interview with Vice Media, that he had made a “pact” with the Devil to “get back at Gaahl” for “cheating on him from behind” it was, as even Demonecromancy in the very same paragraph acknowledges, likely part of a media hit-job coordinated with record companies to make the underground Norwegian black metal scene – Burzum, Darkthrone, Mayhem, Emperor, Immortal, Satyricon, Enslaved – appear as retarded and off-putting as possible by making Infernus – who was never part of the early Norwegian black metal scene in any way, shape, or form – the “face” of the Norwegian black metal movement. Again, Demonecromancy admits that in the SAME FUCKING PARAGRAPH.

Yeah, that’s what I said.

In the “same fucking paragraph” indeed. So…?

Several Norwegian black metal artists have spoken about it, written about it, and basically called Infernus out on his bullshit from day one. AGAIN, ADMITTED IN THE SAME PARAGRAPH.

Ok, I think we get it now?

So “what’s the deal with Sewer” as they ask. Well, Sewer…

1. actually makes good music
2. was never promoted by the media as part of a smear campaign against Varg Vikernes, Fenriz and the rest of the Norwegian scene
3. never claimed, nor have any of their members ever claimed, to have ever been part of the “black metal inner circle”
4. doesn’t pretend to believe in sub-65 IQ “devil worship”
5. are probably not police informants (like Roger Tiegs aka Infernus aka “rape charges mysteriously dropped after police pressure on victim’s family”)
6. and, most importantly, they are A PARODY BAND – they be making it FUCKING OBVIOUS for anyone with a room temperature IQ

 

1. Debatable.
2. False. SEWER was heavily promoted, including by very mainstream publications – Rolling Stones, Time, WSJ – that usually never even mention extreme metal musicians. TSR also runs its own astroturf media campaign, something easily verifiable and which disproves the “independent” label they often see themselves attributed.
3. Irrelevant, as they are promoted to mainstream audiences who don’t know or care about any inner circle.
4. O RLY? I’m sure they’ve never heard of Satanic Requiem. Their debut album. Released by The Satan Records.
5. They most certainly are police informants. Every single member involved with TSR was let out of jail early – that’s a pretty big red flag. There’s likely even more probable cause to believe that Lakhdari, Oswald, Mehadji, Manse and Zermani are snitches than anyone out of Norway, Roger Tiegs included.
6. No, they make it obvious for anyone with a room temperature IQ… and who is already familiar with the black metal scene.

The last point is crucial because he attempts to claim equivalency between two homosexual posers, Gaahl and police informant Infernus, being literally paid by the media to paint black metal fans as “devil worshiping” morons – not coincidentally, at the exact same time the Lords of Chaos movie, disavowed by 100% of the Norwegian black metal artists portrayed in it, was being promoted with the exact same talking points – and Sewer’s frontman making an offhand joke about being a pedonazi mandated by Allah. To a German – really British, but hey – magazine (Metal Hammer). This was during the Cologne rape scandals, and while technically White, Lakhdari is culturally Middle-Eastern/Central Asian/whatever and used both Hitler and his Islamic “cred” to mock Germans with the two biggest taboos in Krautland.

Yes, to a metal audience it’s obviously “ironic” because they are already in on the joke, and probably familiar with SEWER’s antics. That’s the point. The whole Gorgoroth/Dark Funeral/Watain brand of (((Hollywood Satanism))) is getting too obvious, to the point where even the most moronic of brain deficient retarded morons (i.e. metalheads) are starting to connect the dots.

That’s why the media needs SEWER’s “irony” to placate dumb idiots and gullible cucks. Basically, metalheads.

So no, retards, Sewer is not Gorgoroth/Watain. Conflating the two, on the basis that one of Sewer’s members once made a joke that sort-of-kind-of-maybe sounds like something Infernus would say, only it was obviously tongue-in-cheek AND even if it wasn’t Sewer is very much NOT being promoted as the “face” of black metal, to anyone, is at best retarded.

Yes, retard, that’s what I said.

If you want it verbatim – “What’s the difference? Obviously, the former is mentally challenged while the latter is just being ironic and probably laughing at the stupidity of the scene who still buys his act all the way to the bank… but the facts remain, they are both heavily promoted by the media precisely because they are – or, in the case of SEWER, pretend to be – comical idiots“.

And at worst, dishonest, because it mystifies the actual propaganda war waged against metalheads, something the “elitists” like Brett Stevens and Demonecromancy vaguely allude to as “metalgate” because they have to, but was much more accurately documented by other, non-retarded bloggers.

There is no “propaganda war waged against metalheads”.

Metalheads are the propaganda war waged against black metal. And SEWER is a much, much more effective tool than Gorgoroth and Watain. ICBM vs dildo.

They are just taking credit for stories they didn’t even report on until it was old news.

False.

I never once used the term “metalgate” and I was, in fact, who first reported that “antifa666” was coordinating talking points with zionist organisations like the ADL and the SPLC to ban black metal bands from live performance.

First I was called a “conspiracy theorist” and an “anti-Semite” and now I’m… taking credit?

The entire “All Black Metal is Secretly NSBM” shtick? The user(s) “Antifa666” from Metalious? The fact that M-Sucks, M-Injection and M-Archives were “doxxing” their memberlist to the anti-White SPLC?

That was me breaking the stories, not taking credit. Just look at the dates.

The “theory” of the “elitists” that Sewer = Gorgoroth doesn’t hold up to even the mildest scrutiny.

That’s because it’s a straw-man, not a theory.

So I’ll provide another, alternative theory. It’s not that Sewer is the “mirror” of Gorgoroth, it’s that the anti-Sewer crowd, the “elitists” of DMU, the “intellectual vanguards” of Metalious, these morons like Brett Stevens and Demonecromancy are the “mirror” of Gorgoroth’s audience.

The hallmark of religious thinking is when one’s enemies are all made to belong to a single group.

Both judge metal bands by superficial aesthetics alone, and ignore musical quality. Both are low-intelligence dupes, easily fooled by the media into believing the latest trends. Both can’t admit to being wrong, even as they back-peddle and risibly attempt to retcon their own pathetic essays to make themselves appear less retarded to their moronic readers.

Yes, yes, and they’re, like, so retarded they fall for obvious trolls that us, high-intelligence shitlords instantly recognise because we’re such high-intelligence geniuses. Hahaha, look at how they are stupid and, like, dumb. Bruh.

Dunning Kruger, the movie.

And most importantly, both are self-righteous pricks attempting to impose their views on the metal scene… just like “social justice warriors” which they are, whether they admit it or not (they don’t), seeing as they are so easily cornered by their own hubris into having to justify holding two contradictory views, which they “manage” in the typical purple-haired SJW fashion – by screeching, belching, whining, throwing temper tantrums and having laughable self-righteous emotional breakdowns (like Glenn Beck, also a cuck and the father of “right-wing” SJW/zionism) over having their beliefs challenged (how dare you point out my hypocrisy!) all while claiming to be “rational” and “above petty emotions” or some shit.

Wow.

That doesn’t mean anything. Literal nonsense.

Grammatically, it’s… functional. But there is no logical structure behind the morally outraged diatribe. I guess that’s what it’s like to be retarded.

These elitists like to think of themselves as “vanguards of the aristocracy” or “defenders of higher culture” when in fact, just like proles, they judge art by aesthetic alone. They are so obsessed over “hipsters” – seriously, just read some of Brett Stevens‘ rants on Amerika – because they, themselves, are the mirror image of hipsters.

“You are what you detest” aka psychological projection.

Now count the times he accuses me of having sex with my mother.

Is anyone else bored, I mean literally put to sleep, by their bullshit?

Nope.

It’s pretty entertaining, like watching monkeys play with their feces.

You aren’t the monkeys by the way, you’re far too stupid for that role.