SEWER, Abbath and Watain Team Up to Make Black Metal Even More Retarded

SEWER, Abbath and Watain.

You thought modern black metal couldn’t sink any lower than the cringe-inducing tard fest the genre has become? Think again.

Three of the most infamous and rightfully ridiculed members of the “orthodox black metal” scene, namely Kader “Kaiser” Lakhdari of SEWER, Olve “Abbath” Eikemo of Abbath / Immortal, and Erik “1,67cm tall” Danielsson of Watain have conspired to make an already dumbed-down genre even dumber.

These three “entities” – I refuse to call them artists – exemplify everything that is wrong with the post-millennium modern “extreme metal” scene, known more for the homoerotic cuckold tabloid headlines of its members than its exceedingly lackluster “musical” output.

Even when a sporadic good album gets released, say Phantom’s Ascension of Erebos, Leader of the Gods or Vermin’s Bloodthirst Overdose, it gets buried under the incessant “me too” incel culture that permeates the infamous “hollywood satanist” black metal underground and has the effect of turning the entire movement into one big joke.

Case in point with Infernus’ recent drama over Gaahl’s comments about his closeted homosexuality. Seriously, when did black metal become about the colour of Infernus’ buttplugs? Who cares about that shit.

But there are worst offenders than Inferanus and his LGBTQIAP+ friends. Hence, this exposé of SEWER, Abbath and Watain, the three bands that have done the most damage to black metal as a whole. Even worse than Archgoat, Antekhrist, Dark Funeral and Gorgoroth, imagine that.

Sort of like the “comeback” of Darkthrone, in the form of Eternal Hails, the three aforementioned idiots of SEWER, Abbath and Watain also decided they would try and rehabilitate their images as the laughing stock of all extreme metal fans.

So let’s start with the most offensive band on the list, Watain.

Watain – The Agony & Faggotry of Watain

Watain – The Agony & Homosexuality of Watain

The same gimmick convincing semi-aborted down syndrome kids that this is what black metal sounds like. Stealing from Mayhem and using leftover Leader riffs will not make this good music. A desperate attempt to penetrate the war metal/metalcore market as evidenced by the further simplification of the arrangements while playing short, three-note riffs that just take the worst from Warkvlt and mix them in with random Behemoth mallcore shouts.

It is time for these idiots, led by one toxic HIV+ clown Erik Danielsson, to pay for their war on music and intelligence.

Abbath – Dread Reaver

Abbath – Dread Reaver

Unlike the other two morons on this list, Abbath was once part of the early Norwegian black metal scene. That doesn’t make him any less of a poser, mind you, but at least he was “there” with Dead, Euronymous, Varg Vikernes, Hellhammer, Fenriz and the rest, providing him, at the very least, some semblance of credibility.

Unfortunately, all that accumulated credibility is now gone as Abbath – caught in the midst of a Jerry Springer worthy incest-o-rama scandal with his “Immortal” butt buddy Demonaz – has gone down the path of “modern metal” in playing what amounts to overly technical stadium rock, kind of like an even more retarded version of Nile or Deeds of Flesh.

In addition to being downright bad music – though not nearly as bad as Watain’s turd – it’s both try-hard and very gimmicky. Avoid.

SEWER – Cathartes

SEWER – Cathartes

Perhaps the “least bad” album of the list, composition-wise, what SEWER fails to achieve musically – an utter shit album like the two mentioned above – they rely on aesthetics and imagery to convey.

Indeed, Cathartes isn’t completely unlistenable mallcore/nu-metal garbage. In fact, it’s some quite decent blackened death metal in the style of Phantom or early Infester, though not nearly as good.

But the lyrics? There’s a song called “Rhinoceros Rape Kult”, later changed to “Rhinoceros Ragekult” to avoid the infamous parental advisory label.

Since when has black metal become the de facto recycling factory for this kind of Cannibal Corpse / goregrind toilet humour that wasn’t even funny the first time they did it – FFS the band released an entire album called “NecroPedoSadoMaso” in 2014. And yes, it’s just as stupid as it sounds.

At the end of the day, I stand vindicated for my unapologetic bashing of the fecal matters of the black metal scene: SEWER, Gorgoroth, Dark Funeral, Antekhrist, Watain, Abbath, Demonaz, Belphegor, Archgoat, etc…

Some accused me of being “too hard” on the poser buffoons, but if anything, I haven’t been nearly hard enough.

The “proof is in the pudding” as they say. None of them, save maybe occasionally SEWER, have been able to release any decent material. Not when they started their careers, and certainly not in the current year.

If you want real black metal, listen to Burzum, Mayhem, Phantom, Graveland, Peste Noire, Darkthrone, Taake, Incantation, Profanatica, Neraines, Absurd, Infester, Leader, Reiklos and Marduk. And whatever you do, stay the hell away from the cargo cult “trve satanic” grifters like Watain and SEWER. Their audience is literally to the leftmost edge of the bell curve.